Some good news? Eighty-three percent of therapists surveyed in 2023 reported more therapy-newbie clients. But mental health help is still often viewed as a weakness, and that, unfortunately, won’t make first-timers eager to book sessions. 

There’s this belief, especially in American culture—and especially for men—that you should solve problems yourself, says relationship therapist Erica R. Turner, LMFT. And growing up in an environment where vulnerability was frowned upon and/or nonexistent may play into that belief as well. In that case, “‘I can take care of myself,’ is more of a story [people] tell themselves so they don’t have to be vulnerable,” Turner explains. “‘I don’t have to share anything tender or scary or sacred.’” 

Therapist Whitcomb Terpening, LCSW-S, agrees. “The public image of strength is often shaped around stoicism, self-sufficiency, pulling yourself up by your bootstraps, not asking for help, being independent…those kinds of things,” she says. “[This] really can make reaching out for help feel like an admission of inadequacy, which I think is really problematic.”

Yes, therapy helps people who have diagnosable mental health conditions, but you can benefit from it even if you are not currently struggling with something “serious.” Truly, therapists can assist you with any life challenge that comes up, Turner notes. 

Of course, not everyone has the financial means (that’s a major reason Layered Feels started in the first place!). However, if you’re able to go to therapy, it’s not a weakness. “Vulnerability and openness are powerful forces for change and healing,” encourages Terpening. “Everyone deserves support without judgment.” In fact, seeing a therapist—and sticking with therapy—calls for real strength. Let’s talk about it.

First off, it’s natural to need support from others, therapists included. 

On a biological level, it’s human nature to help each other with even the smallest of things and to thrive on social connection. It’s great to rely on family and friends when you’re struggling. But if we’re hardwired for assistance, why not accept support from someone who’s literally trained to diagnose and treat mental health conditions? From a professional whose job is to be nonjudgmental and an empathetic sounding board?

Note: A therapist is not going to tell you exactly what to do like a friend might. Typically, their job is to help clear “obstacles that are keeping you from being you in a healthy, full, meaningful, loving, and vulnerable way … so that you can make choices for yourself,” says Turner. There’s a difference.

Trusting a therapist isn’t always easy. 

Divulging your struggles and secrets can be intimidating. “Some people are more able to trust sooner or understand the dynamics of the therapeutic relationship and lean into that trust. [But] if it’s their first time … it can be difficult. Some people may have just been burned by [those] they’ve trusted in the past,” says Terpening. “Trust is super complex, so it takes strength.” 

And it’s not just about candidly discussing your own issues. A lot of times you’re opening up about complicated dynamics, which may seem like a betrayal that could jeopardize your relationships, notes Turner. “I think that those are scenarios where it can [take] the most strength because it may require you to break—or feel like you are breaking—loyalty,” she says.

For the record, therapists generally cannot tell anyone else what you bring up in sessions without your permission, unless you’re a threat to yourself or others, says Terpening. So, “what’s brought up in therapy stays in therapy.” (Technically, caregivers may have access to your records if you’re a minor, but your therapist isn’t just going to blab details without warning. And most parents and therapists have a shared understanding about confidentiality, Terpening says.) 

Obviously, you should only work with a therapist you trust, though it still takes strength to let your guard down because of what therapy requires us to confront, Turner says. Which leads us to… 

You have to face hard truths and emotions. 

You can go to therapy for a myriad of reasons, but your therapist will ultimately get deep with you and may uncover things that are difficult to accept. For example, turning toward grief instead of squashing it can be incredibly uncomfortable, says Terpening, whose niche of suicidality means she sees clients who’ve lost family to suicide.

Or, maybe you’ll learn that your values are shifting and they don’t align with your partner’s anymore, notes Turner. Then, “you’re hit with this crisis on multiple levels.” Your therapist might also expose insecurities or traumas that influence how you see the world and act, Turner adds. 

Confronting these things might mean that you need to make life changes. “We may not be able to stay in the same job or the same relationship, or do things the same way that we’ve always done them, and that’s scary,” Turner says. 

To reiterate, going to therapy “is a sign of strength because it involves facing difficult truths, confronting painful emotions, [and] uncovering patterns that are no longer serving you that potentially impact relationships and different areas of life,” says Terpening. Unpacking and working on any of this takes guts! 

In therapy, things can feel worse before they get better. 

No matter why you’re seeing your therapist, it’s common to feel temporarily worse when you’re unpacking the hard truths or emotions discussed, in part, above. That in itself makes you strong, says Turner. Of course, it’s your therapist’s job to support you through this discomfort, she states. But getting deep and healing past wounds won’t be an easy-breezy road. 

“Especially if you’re working through trauma, it’s almost inevitable that, at points, it’s going to feel worse before it feels better,” Turner explains. “Usually, people have been functioning by ignoring the problem or living around it, and so when you actually start to confront it, you confront all of the feelings, all of the thoughts, buried with it. [That makes] it uncomfortable before it gets better.”

You have to do the work outside of therapy too. 

Going to therapy one hour a week is usually not enough for you to see progress in your mental health. You have to apply what you learn to your real-world experience, and committing to that requires dedication, Turner says. 

Depending on what you’re working on and the treatment approach, a therapist might have you track your thoughts and feelings in between sessions, Turner notes. Or, they may have you practice boundaries or coping skills out in the wild. Oftentimes, it’s the work you do on your own that helps you make the most out of those once-per-week sessions.  

Progress isn’t a straight line. 

Sticking with therapy despite the fact that progress isn’t always linear showcases resilience. “Progress often comes with setbacks in any capacity, but also in therapy, and simply continuing to show up, in itself, is a significant act of courage,” says Terpening.

Perhaps you discover, with your therapist, that you rely on unhelpful coping mechanisms when you’re stressed. And, while you’re working to change that, you slip up in between sessions. “These things don’t change overnight,” says Terpening. “We don’t just make a decision to improve, and then improve indefinitely. That’s not how it works.” It takes strength to recognize hiccups, tell your therapist, and move forward. 

Sam Brodsky is a journalist of over eight years who has reported on mental health (e.g. diagnoses, therapist tips, and real-world experiences) for the latter half of her career thus far. She has bylines in Wondermind, POPSUGAR, and more. She is also a poet and the creator of Mental Loan on Substack. You can find her at @sambrods and @sb.poet on Instagram.