Therapy can help you break unhealthy patterns, cope with trauma, and heal your relationship with yourself and others. (The list goes on, trust us!) But progress happens faster when you apply what you learn in sessions to real life. You have to “do the work,” so to speak.

This means implementing the insight and skills you get from your therapist into your day-to-day routine and interactions, says licensed psychologist Robyn MooYoung, PsyD. At the very least, you’re thinking about what you go over in therapy, she adds. 

“I liken it to the idea of, if you want to get stronger, you can’t just work a muscle one time,” Dr. MooYoung notes.

“You have to continually do the work so that the muscle memory is there, [so] that you are able to see progress and growth and change.”

Licensed clinical psychologist Lisa Taylor, PsyD, agrees. “Therapy is one hour out of a 24-hour day, out of a 168-hour week,” she says.

“If you’re not using what you learn in a meaningful way outside of therapy, it really does limit how much change and development is going to happen.” 

Putting in the outside work enables you to achieve your goals, whether that’s to feel happier, be less anxious, or have more satisfying relationships, says Dr. MooYoung. It won’t always be easy, but it’s definitely worth it. 

What the work looks like depends on what type of therapy you’re signed up for and why you’re in therapy to begin with. Ahead, we’ve broken down, overall, how you can get closer to your goals beyond scheduled sessions.  

Do your “homework.”

Your therapist may send you on your way with some assignments. They’re not graded like traditional homework, but they still take time and effort in between sessions.

For starters, your therapist may provide worksheets or things to read. For example, Dr. Taylor gives her clients sheets to document cognitive distortions (aka, irrational thought patterns) they experience. “When they bring back this information … we can either celebrate their success together or really troubleshoot and understand where they might be falling short or where they need to grow,” Dr. Taylor says.

Additionally, your therapist may tell you to practice skills—emotion regulation skills, mindfulness skills, etc.—as part of your “homework” assignments. “I honestly believe the more you practice a coping skill when things are stable, the more confident you tend to be and feel when things get hard,” explains Dr. Taylor. Doing these by yourself also helps you pinpoint which do and don’t serve you, she says.

If you’re trying to face certain fears, part of exposure therapy involves gradually practicing on your own as homework. Say you’re scared to drive after being in an accident. According to Dr. MooYoung, you’d do certain exposures with her, but you’d also work your way up to driving solo. One week, you might watch road trip videos or look at trucks online that resemble the one you crashed. Depending on your comfort level, you might sit in a car every day for a week, then let others drive you around for another seven days, until you’re ready to get behind the wheel again, Dr. MooYoung explains. 

Keep yourself on track.

Regardless of what work you’re doing away from your therapist, encouraging consistency, with notes and/or reminders, will only help you reach your goals faster. For example, Dr. Taylor says her clients sometimes set alarms every morning to practice deep breathing or progressive muscle relaxation. Or, they’ll stick hand-written values on their mirrors so those are top of mind as they start their days, she says. Not to say you’ll forget what you’re working on, but life happens! 

Be mindful of your mental and physical sensations.

Even if you don’t have anything specific to practice, your therapist may tell you to notice and document emotions, reactions, and/or feelings in your body. This way, you’ll learn to be more in tune with yourself, and you’ll have plenty to talk about in your next session, says Dr. MooYoung. 

Therapists want you to better understand yourself and your relationship with others, Dr. MooYoung says. And though they will support and educate you, you’re the one living with your brain and body outside of sessions. Your inside scoop helps them help you make necessary changes.

Implement changes.

Your therapist can’t force you to alter the way you interact with yourself or other people. You can plan for it, but you need to apply those changes in the real world to reap the benefits. 

Perhaps, with the help of your therapist, you discover that people-pleasing tendencies make it hard for you to say “no.” You’re burnt out. You’re ready to lighten your emotional load and to-do list. When people vent without asking or beg for a favor, it’s on you to start setting boundaries, says Dr. MooYoung. 

The same strategy applies to changing the way you talk to yourself. Your therapist may want you to rework, “I’m so stupid,” to, “This was hard for me,” Dr. MooYoung says. This reframe might naturally click if you hear your therapist’s voice in your head, she notes. But you still have to manually shift your self-talk.

Reach out when you need a hand (or ear).

Part of doing the work in between sessions is figuring out who to contact when you’re looking for emotional guidance. At the start of your therapist-client relationship, your therapist should give you a rundown of when and how to contact them, says Dr. MooYoung. Some will allow you to text, call, or email whenever; others won’t. 

If you can, it’s a good idea to lean on family and friends who will listen to you, says Dr. Taylor. You can also try warmlines, which offer support for people who aren’t in mental health crises (and don’t need a hotline like 988), she says.

Again, your therapist is there for you. But, they can’t be there for you 24/7. Whenever possible, having other means of support is recommended.