They tell you in therapy to show up as yourself, imperfections and all. You sit down, stare at their artwork, and then wonder—just how comfortable should you get with the professional in front of you? What’s the right therapy etiquette? To get real therapy etiquette tips and understand why boundaries matter, I spoke with Dr. Traci Williams, Psychologist and owner of Layered Feels.

“The relationship you have with your therapist is unlike any other relationship in your life. While your therapist learns your most intimate thoughts, they’re also a professional doing their job,” she explained. “Etiquette is the unspoken and spoken agreement between you. It allows your healing to happen without fear of judgment or miscommunication.”

That mutual understanding of what to expect sets the tone for you to feel emotionally safe and creates a respectful environment where your healing is the focus.

Your therapist isn’t expecting you to be perfect. But these are some things your therapist wishes you would stop doing – and some suggestions for what to do instead.

Before You Even Walk In

1. Ghosting or No-Showing Without a Heads-up

Now, this usually goes without saying for any interaction with your average person, but respect your therapist’s scheduling rules. “For most therapists, clients are asked to give 24 to 48 hours’ notice before canceling or rescheduling their appointment, out of respect for the therapist’s time.” Dr. Williams said. 

Your therapist likely understands that things happen and won’t hold it against you, but expect that the therapist‘s cancellation policy will be enforced.

“Remember, your therapy session is a time slot specifically saved for you, and your therapist will often have a hard time filling a late cancellation spot,” added Dr. Williams. Think of giving a heads-up as a chance for your therapist to help someone else during that time slot.

2. Bringing What You Don’t Need (And Leaving Behind What Actually Helps)

Your therapy session is for you, and if there’s something you want to bring that makes it easier for you to open up, you should bring it within reason. 

Here are a few therapy etiquette tips to help you make the most of your sessions:

• A water bottle (crying is dehydrating, fr fr)
• Journal 
• Tissues
• Quiet fidget toys (emphasis on the quiet)
• An open-ish mind
• Pets (virtual sessions only!) 
• Blankets
• Stuffies, because a hug from something soft does wonders
• A willingness to be just 5% more honest than last time

I’m gonna hold your hand while I say this, but here’s what not to bring to therapy:

• The need to perform or do therapy “right” (be yourself!)
• Shame
• Recording devices without checking with your therapist (no one should record without consent)
• Inappropriate romantic or sexual advances
• Loud or messy snacks 
• The expectation of a “quick fix”. Your collaborative healing with your therapist is a nonlinear journey, not a sprint 

3. Showing up Late (yes, even by 5 minutes)

I know, I know, things happen. But showing up late not only shortens your session time, it can impact how your session is structured and flows. “Being present, intentional, and calm is important for setting the tone for your therapy session. Running late is often stressful, so try to be on time,” said Dr. Williams. Plus, being on time signals respect for both your mental health and your therapist’s schedule. To be on time for therapy, be realistic about how much time you need to get there (and then add ten minutes!)

During the Session

4. Being Glued to Your Phone

Unless texting is a part of your treatment, please avoid texting. This is 50 minutes (give or take) where you and your mental health are a priority. Silence your phone to limit distractions. 

5. Saying What You Think Your Therapist Wants to Hear

Just because we’re talking about what not to do in therapy, it doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be yourself. It’s okay to say “I don’t know” or “I’m not ready to talk about that.” You don’t need to say everything at once, nor should you feel pressured to “perform.” “Being your authentic self is important in therapy because real growth comes when you show up as the real you. How well you connect with your therapist actually predicts, in part, how much progress you make in therapy. It’s hard to connect if you don’t feel like you can be yourself,” said Dr. Williams.

Remember, therapy sessions work best when they’re built on mutual respect. You can, in turn, expect your therapist to create a space where you feel safe being honest and vulnerable. Your therapist should be fully present and not distracted, able to communicate clearly and listen without judgment, or imposing their personal beliefs. 

6. Treating the Session Like a Casual Hangout

Treat the therapy room as sacred (yes, even if it’s online).

This isn’t just another meeting on your calendar. This is your time, your space, and your healing. Avoid only having surface-level small talk that prevents you from doing the deeper work. Try not to treat it casually, like you’re catching up with a friend over coffee (even if it sometimes feels that way). 

Which leads me to the next point…

After You Leave

7. Blurring the Line Between Therapist and Bestie

Your therapist cares about you, but you’re not friends. It’s important to maintain boundaries with your therapist. Keep communication through the official channels (email, client portal, etc.) and resist the urge to try to connect and DM them on social media – unless it’s a pre-agreed way to communicate. 

8. Teletherapy = Real Therapy. Let’s Treat It That Way

Just because your session is online doesn’t make it any less important. To make the most out of your teletherapy session, find a private, quiet, and well-lit space with a stable internet connection where you feel safe speaking freely.  Wear something comfortable (like our Therapy Couch Club hoodie) that allows you to be present because what you wear affects your mindset – so dress for a successful teletherapy session.

And please, don’t drive during your teletherapy session. Your therapist appreciates your commitment, but your safety is a priority.

When the vibes are off

Finding the right therapist takes time, so if you find that you and your therapist’s boundaries and expectations around etiquette aren’t a good fit, don’t give up. 

So, what do you do once you’ve realized that you aren’t compatible with a therapist? “Therapy is a professional relationship, and like other relationships in your life, sometimes it just doesn’t feel like a fit!” said Dr. Williams. “Bring it up in session with your therapist, or by sending them an email. By talking about it, you might find that your therapist is happy to shift their approach to better suit you, or even provide you with referrals to find a better fit.”

Good Therapy Etiquette Actually Boosts Your Healing

A common mistake people make in therapy sessions is underestimating the effect therapy etiquette has on healing. Having mutual boundaries and respect in place helps to create a therapeutic alliance. Not only does this help in creating a safe space for you in therapy, but it shows care for the relationship, which is often healing in itself. Communicate with your therapist about any questions or concerns you may have. At the end of the day, remember, therapists are humans, too.

This interview has been edited for length and brevity.

Dr. Traci Williams is owner of Layered Feels, a board-certified clinical psychologist and certified financial therapist™. She is regularly featured in major media outlets, including The New York Times, Parents, and Forbes. She has over a decade of experience assessing and treating all age groups. She is a proud Trinidadian who calls Atlanta her second home.

Twyla Adkins, PMP, is a wellness writer, multiple sclerosis advocate, and business strategist who writes about the lived realities of chronic illness, neurodivergence. Her work—featured by outlets like NBC News—blends lived experience with strategic insight, uses words to connect us, make sense of what hurts, and remind us we’re not alone.  When she’s not writing, you can find her sneaking a book into her bag, making obscure movie references, or planning her next trip.